**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
