Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
