I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
