Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You are a genius and a whore.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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