he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I AM VODKA MAN
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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