I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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