i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
