All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
