My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
