Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
