Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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