I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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