and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
