my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
