I am puke
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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