Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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