Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
