im drinking this country out of the recession.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
