Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
