here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
