We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
