so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
