I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
