are you still at the devil's house?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
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