Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize