dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
