tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
