Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
