If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
