The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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