I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize