Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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