So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize