Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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