So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize