Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
