I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
