guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
