I'm going to jail i love you
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
