sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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