she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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