"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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