even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
