watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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