If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
