btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
