I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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