i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
