the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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