can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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