I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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