Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
