on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize