so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
