i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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