Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
