I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
