I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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