I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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