Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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