He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
