I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
