dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Randomize
