Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize