but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
