I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
