what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
