I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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