They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
