I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
