I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
