Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
