a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
