she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
