Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
