Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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