I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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