You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize