I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We need a shit load of segways right now
I am one with the molecules
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
