i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize