the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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